Despite my best efforts and intentions, I find myself single again in my mid-fifties. Somehow I have lost not one but two marvelous life partners. I live with the grief of their loss everyday.
Even though I grieve Bruce and Scott, I feel strong in my conviction that I am my best self when I have a loving partner at my side. My sunny optimism makes me believe that my next life partner will be wonderful and we will share many years loving and sharing each other’s dynamic company.
I know enough about timing and energy and how things come to be to realize that my knight isn’t going to show up by just visualizing him. The Universe responds to visualization, but it needs action to kick start the process. So, I wrangled up my self-confidence recently and headed out to a speed-dating event. I didn’t pay much attention, but what I signed up for was a Tantric speed dating event. Because I’m who I am, and probably because I live a stone’s throw from Berkeley California, this wasn’t the first Tantric speed dating event I have attended. It was the second.
Tantric Dating In The Past
About 10 or 11 years ago I went to a speed dating event that was billed as Tantric. It was hosted by a woman I’d met who was business building as a relationship coach. The organizers had ensured that the number of men and women were equally matched, and invited us to a large room on the Berkeley Oakland border one night.
The event was “traditional” in terms of the speed dating part of the event. We were partnered up with people of the opposite sex and had about 2 minutes to talk before cycling on to the next person. I think there were some yoga poses at the beginning, and I recall the leader used to try to get people to sing (which was always very hit or miss), but otherwise I wouldn’t have really characterized the event as particularly tantric.
My summary of the gentlemen at that event? “Spiritually high and earthly low.” The men I met were good people, genuine, and desiring a relationship. Unfortunately, I didn’t find any of them attractive.
What’s happened to Tantric dating over the last 10+ years? It’s improved greatly! At the recent Tantric event I attended, the event was organized very differently. Because the new Tantric event took a much more holistic approach to connectedness, the event was less scary, more fun, and will inevitably lead to more connections among the daters.
Instead of talking for two minutes to each of the various partners in the room, we were directed by our hostess to engage in other short ways of connecting. Incorporating many types of connections made the event much more fresh, interesting, and helped us to see people in new ways.
Tantric dating incorporates physical moves and contact
As we circulated around the room meeting people, about one half or one third of the little activities we were assigned to do included a physical component. For example, our hostess put on disco music and with one of the partners, we were to dance together. Almost no talking, just dancing! Another activity was to physically move and show the other person something we liked doing by making a motion. I demonstrated walking a dog and writing on my computer. These clever physical activities quickly gave me a sense of the other person in ways you can’t experience online, a deeper and more interesting experience.
Tantric dating included answering prompted questions
As opposed to the free form style of my prior experience with tantric dating, this session included many questions that came from the hostess. She would ask us to share with our partner the answer to a question like “what are your goals?” or “what’s your relationship superpower?” and we would need to answer them and then listen to our partner’s answers.
I found the directed Q&A much easier than trying to come up with something to say or talk about over and over. Everyone in the room was answering the same questions. The answers were fresh and unscripted. The Q&A was very helpful to get a gauge of who someone was and whether a connection with that person had good energy.
Tantric dating pushed us to talk about personal and emotional topics
There were quite a few of the stations where the activity was to talk about something emotional. Some of these were pretty easy and probably to be expected at any event calling itself Tantric, and some of them were very much unexpected.
For example, with one of our first partners we were asked to share things we were grateful for. I found that very easy as I practice gratitude a lot. At another station we were asked to brag. We were asked to share for about a minute about things we were proud of and brag about them. I found this much harder, and I think many other people there did too. The exercise was valuable though because by telling the group to speak in a bragging way to a complete stranger, it did two things. First, it pushed me to think of things to brag about, focusing on positives and accomplishments. Second, it kind of bared your soul as you what came up was very personal and intimate.
What came through loud and clear after attending Tantric dating was how helpful multiple means of communication are in getting to know people. Thanks to the Covid-19 pandemic, people around the world have changed the way we meet and interact with one another. Tantric speed dating was an excellent example of how important in person communication is, and how taking a very holistic, physical, mental and emotional approach can create instant connections with depth.
Deborah “Kat” Oppenheim is the hostess of Tantra Speed Date®. Deborah will be a guest on my podcast “Mind Power Meets Mystic” on January 31, 2023. Please have a listen and reach to Deborah if you are interested in Tantric speed dating or her sex and relationship coaching services.
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